I miss you

June 11, 2009 at 7:24 pm (Uncategorized)

Haven’t blogged here in a while. It was my private space. But a few people found out about its existance and I haven’t felt the need to share thoughts and events publicly. I guess I got romanced by the anonymity. I don’t mind random nameless people stumbling across it. Or even people I know stumbling into it. But knowing I’m being watched by people I don’t tell things to in person just bothers me. If only I had people I felt comfortable telling a lot of things too. There’s no real logical or psychological people. Or people with well balanced emotions or objective outlooks. And anyone that’s been through enough to know things has usually been through too much and let their world view get warped beyond my liking so they can’t help me. I don’t confide to anyone. And that is why. Nobody in my life is what I truly need. And that makes me sad. Boo fucking hoo…


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March 24, 2009 at 8:10 pm (Uncategorized)

Can’t do laundry. Can’t take a shower. But hey, at least I gots a new fancy shmancy tv… Might elaborate on stuff later. BLAH

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And then a really bad good dream ;}

March 12, 2009 at 9:24 am (Uncategorized)

Oy. Melatonin does the trick. Been feeling nauseated and drained lately. Maybe some chest congestion, what with working around like 300 allergy causing little creatures and all. Every day. So I don’t trust my own sleep anymore. I used to take melatonin to help. Works great. You sleep faster and deeper and wake up more rested. Like real sleep. Except its induced. Sad that it has to be that way but hoorah for the ability for force it

Had a couple of dreams last night. Both seemed to be at night. Probably in the same flooded ghetto neighborhood. One had a car lot of little go-kart roadsters being washed away. I was gonna steal one of the less damaged ones but wound up having a drawn out conversation with their stuttering owner. Can’t really remember how that played out exactly

Woke up (damn alarm) and went back to sleep (multiple times) and finally wound up in the same general area of slumberland. Dark and dank. Middle of the night. But some people were there this time. Started out in a bedroom. One person in particular. It was nice. Had to go on a misadventure early in the dream morning. Um… I should be getting ready for work


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The best worst day…

March 12, 2009 at 12:48 am (Uncategorized)

Today we said goodbye to Gracie. An aged beagle/basset type dog. Had plenty of complications with cancer in the past to which I’m not really aware of the details. I do know about two years ago she was said to only have about six months left. As far as real medicine goes anyway. But when do they really know, when it comes to cancer. But they gave up on her. So our director turned to unconventional medication options. Holistic, to be more precise. Y’know. Herbal stuff. Which has actually proven itself in our facility a number of times in the past. Its helped fight or … tame symptoms from things like really messed up equilibrium from brain damage due to undiagnosed distemper in a couple of puppies. Always flopping around in our grooming room. It helped an old cat named Lucy recover from her kidney/liver failure and go one to live almost another year I think. And gave our beloved Gracie quite a peg longer than she was supposed to have

So… can’t really complain in regards to that. It was a somber day to say the least. I didn’t think it was going to phase me the way it did. I simply went to pay my respects and wish her well… in some way. Kinda felt obligated. Until I saw her. They were keeping her in my manager’s office. Shared office, with the dim-wit supervisor who’s also in charge of book keeping and such. Not really where I wanted to act all formal whatnot. Thankfully neither were there. Gracie was surrounded by worthwhile people. Those that actually cared. I looked over her. She seemed to be in shock or something. Just laying there, panting. In a daze. People petting her and kissing her and looking down on her. It was demanded I come in and pet her. Say goodbye. I’m strong on my own. But for some reason sometimes all it takes is a little nudge from someone else. Thank God it was only friends in there

It was mentioned that she seemed to relax. Dog whisperer and his powers

So I couldn’t wallow. I paid my respect and let her know I cared and I had to move on. Work to be done. And then people coming and checking on me. Giving me hugs. Reminds me of when I had to help Petey on

And to think I was staring to let things roil up in my head about the kind of stuff thats been going on there. Supervisor throwing weight around and writing people up over disputable issues and blatantly missing things herself that would get others in trouble. The manager who can’t keep a secret in confidense ‘cause he’s dating an over emotional drama queen who also works there. And the director himself, who I have reason not to even trust anymore. I was riled up for a good man-to-man today. One that’d likely never happen. But that all changed as the day wore on

Our dear adoption manager Courtney was asked to clean the director’s office today. So he couldn’t hide in his office like he usually does and got to bare witness to lots of fantastic things. Drama queen not doing her job. Retarded supervisor not doing hers. Manager being forced to do his. Ah amusing stuff… A lot of mistakes and back stabbings seemed to find a brick wall today

Was that you, Gracie? God bless, dear :] You were a good’un

I had to leave early regardless of how things were going to turn out. Had m’birthday recently. Need to legalize my driving privelages and all. Mike had to donate after work. So Court came to hang out with me whilst she wait

It was an interesting hour or so. We’re not the talkative type but there’s always been something about me. She’s a people hater and practically swore an oath to become my friend one day. And whenever we do get a chance to talk. Not just small talk, but -really- talk. Its interesting. Its something I’ve sadly needed recently. Its not like there was even any soul spilling. But there was just something there that’s not in any of my usual conversations. Maybe it was just -real- talking, and not just speaking. Talking -with– instead of -to-. Whatever the case, what with all the crying and talky bonding. Its been a relieving day

With two other notable things on the list, I fear this has indeed become a ramble. I bought a television and hard drive online a couple nights ago. Hard drive’s already here. I got everything off my laptop onto it. A whole 13 gigs. Not even a scratch on this 750g monster. Decide to test it out and hook it up to my 360 to get some watching on, and… nadda. Long story short, the 360 apparently can’t register the existance of drives that aren’t partitioned in FAT32. Which I found out the hard way. The long… hard way. Huge headache. Damn near ruined the hard drive trying to correct the problem. Took a few hours. And currently I’m back where I started. With an empty 750 gig hard drive in NTSF formatting

But then I realized there’s a lovely new tactical arcade game on XBox Live. Based off of the Final Fantasy Tactics franchise, its not tactical at all. But it is quite strategic. And -addictive-! So… I bought it

And I think I should end there. Not sure why I was saying things the way I was throughout this post, but aside from the headache and the bit of guilt that I never have fun and interesting things to say about my relationship, I guess I’ve had a horrible but over-all good day. The relationship thing should change soon too. Here’s hoping. Just gotta find that niche. Ride the wave

Goodbye :]

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Work’s getting stressful again

March 6, 2009 at 6:23 pm (Uncategorized)

Time to start watching my back again. Oh lordy. Didn’t figure I’d have to go through this again. Plus I know how to play the apathy card these days. But I’ve got no less than two people (probably more, a little less outspoken about it) trying to get me to open up and feel shit :/ Lowering my guard makes me open to this crap too. Yeah, sure I can feel for you and show I care. But I also have to feel all the bad shit which is the whole reason I closed up shop in the first place. Now some people might get what they want. Or some of what they want. But now I have to wonder what I want and how that’s going to get supplied for me. This better not all be some one sided crap that’s for sure… I have my doubts people can really be there for me. And then I’ll just have to close back up again. We’ll see!


In better news, my brother finally got another job. Yay for him :]

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Brain is itchy

March 4, 2009 at 9:38 pm (Uncategorized)

I need to write soon. I keep getting distracted and let my free alone time slip away. Been abusing my love of nostalgia lately soaking up my time in a 360 game dubbed Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection. I’m having more fun romping around in 16–bit games than whatever-bit games of this generation. I’ve been craving a lot of last generation games too. And been enjoying the games from the first wave of this generation. I think I have something against “new” perhaps

As for the writing. I need some inspiration. Or rather… I need drive. I have ideas. I never feel motivated to flesh them out. And on the rare occassions I do, I almost always hit writer’s block. So I have to start out small. Some short easy story to get juices flowing and get progressively more complex. People have always loved my writing style. My discriptive narrative… Can’t say anyone’s ever loved a whole story. Mostly because there rarely is a whole story. A few. Very few

Work’s been stressful lately. I think the economy is taking its toll. Not sure what I’ll do about it. Must do something. Help impliment money saving ideas. Take my tax return and go get checked up by my cardiologist and see if I can start donating for moneys. Keeps me from worrying. But I’m sure I know a few tricks to help save the shelter

It sucks ‘cause things have really started to get nice. I’ve been able to focus on animals lately and there hasn’t been much drama. Been having some major break throughs with some of the animals most had forgotten and given up on. One dog that’s been there for four or five years is now fully obedience trained and passed the canine good citizenship exam. Another that was just a shell of a creature due to zero human contact or socialization is now coming around. She’s been there much longer. Grew up pretty much autistic. Her and her sisters were always called feral. Which usually indicates wild. Which usually means instinct driven. But these dogs aren’d driven by anything. They’re devoid of everything. They just eat and … nothing. They’re just there. Until now. We finally got her comfortable having a leash on. Next step is to walk her with it. She’s been progressing rapidly lately. Giving eye contact, letting her curiosity take over and explore and look at people for once. And most importantly is she loves other animals and is extremely playful once she gets comfortable with a playful companion. Keep up the good work Sheba. I’ll see you through :]

Guess I gotta go shopping now. So much for relaxing and enjoying the night with a soothing mind trip from Donnie Darko. On a brighter side however is that I’m going to be cooking a delicious meal. So nyah. Ta for now, blog

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February 28, 2009 at 7:53 pm (Uncategorized)

Just woke up from a nap with extreme tachacardia (heart beating like crazy). Thought I was gonna have to make a quick jump to the emergency room. But after some pacing around, meditation, and some sweating and burping (don’t ask) its finally starting to go away. 20 minutes of guh…. Glad its the weekend…

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February 27, 2009 at 7:30 pm (Uncategorized)

That contageous little spring cleaning bug has finally weakened my immune system. Straightened up, rearraged, and did quite a bit of real cleaning. Go me. Quite possibly have an out of town/state guest (or three?) coming this weekend. Had to prepare to make that awesome first impression, oh yeah. Had to buy a new light since my ceiling lights have all decided to not work. Ancient pull-string bastards. All the pull-strings fell out of place and won’t recoil and start working again :[ grr SO! I bought a floor lamp. Puts light almost as high… Quite helpful for the sweeping and whatnot…

What a boring post. BLah

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Seasons of Song

February 26, 2009 at 7:52 pm (Uncategorized)

A good friend once told me that her songs had seasons. Upon inquiring she explaind that a lot of the music she likes “feels” like Autumn. She liked fall music. I thought ha, interesting. But never paid it much mind. Then today while listening to my mp3 player I realized I wasn’t skipping over the slower warmer songs. Global warming has caused the weather outside to be unusually nice for this time of year. Wrong. But still Spring’y and magical. And I guess my musical mood changed with the season. I’m listening to more “Spring music”. Interesting indeed

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Good morning

February 26, 2009 at 8:46 am (Uncategorized)

Don’t have to be to work for another hour and a half, so random thought before shower: What if the living attacked and oppressed the walking dead instead? Raiders attack ZombieTown, film at 11

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